NEW YORK CITY - Here's a Friday funny: A friend of mine from NYC has just sent me these updated financial terms. The ones for Value Investing and Bull Market are a sad commentary. Sad but true. Wait, that's not funny!
- CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer
- CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer
- BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
- VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
- P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
- BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
- STANDARD & POOR -- My life in a nutshell.
- STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded my stock.
- STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
- FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
- MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
- CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
- YAHOO! -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
- WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo! @ $240 per share.
- INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Last year's investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
- PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.
